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Head of the Trent 2002

at 2002-10-07 05:12:19

Gearboy said: Nature’s first green is gold, Her hardest hue to hold. Her early leaf’s a flower; But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief, So dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay.

-Robert Frost

I’ve always had this love-hate relationship with nostalgia. I’m oversensitive to it, overwhelmed by it. I sometimes can’t believe my luck at having had such wonderful experiences in high school, at university… and I have never been able to really come to terms with the fact that ‘nothing gold can stay’.

Reading this entry reminded me of the reason why I haven’t ever stopped to put down a list of all my great memories, myself: because it hurts too damn much to remember it all, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Oh, I know it’s not gone for good; it’s not like everyone I used to know is dead, or like Trent has been bulldozed under. But it’s not the same, and can’t ever be. Part of me knows that this is for the best, that there is no growth without change, that you can never stand in the same river twice… but another part of me is just too sad at the passing from my life of so many wonderful opportunities, experiences, and people. Above all, people.

The word ‘bittersweet’ has always seemed to have special significance for me, for just such reasons as this. Bittersweet is a flavour of life that I can’t take too much of… but which I must have SOME of, and which I sometimes desperately crave. So, thank you… at 2002-11-23 23:25:41