I'm a father, manager, programmer, scrum master, geek, & movie lover.

Visitors Abound

“In the name of Bush’s safety, the Secret Service requested that the London Underground, the provider of transportation to millions daily, be closed down. American snipers and special agents traveling with Bush were to be given diplomatic immunity in the event that they should kill any of the expected 100,000 protesters. An artillery weapon called the “mini gun,” normally used in battlefield conditions, was to be flown in in case it was deemed necessary to mow down protesters en masse. Vast sections of the city were to be closed to all traffic, forcing the closure of untold hundreds of businesses. Americans were to be placed in charge of all security operations, ahead of the British Scotland Yard, the MI5, the Metropolitan police, and Blair’s own security detail. And U.S. fighter jets and Blackhawk attack helicopters, armed with surface-to-ground missiles and high-powered machine guns, were to secure the skies over London. All of this in addition to flying in not only Bush’s own presidential limousine, but in fact his own motorcade. No foreign cars for our President ?¢‚Ǩ‚Äú only a custom-imported procession of Humvees would do. “

The mini-gun makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside, like hot chocolate on a cold winter day. Between 6pm and 9pm on Tuesday (before going out) and from 1am-2am (after getting home), I was working on my resume for CSIS. This isn’t just any old resume. Here’s a list of *some* of the things they want on it: Previous employment information including the names of previous employers and supervisors; dates, and salaries. Information relating to education and training (degrees, diplomas, the name(s) of the institution(s) and dates attended). A list of all foreign countries you have travelled to or lived in and when, excluding the USA and whether the travel was for holiday, business, study or other reason. =============== CSIS Intelligence Officer Job Description:The Intelligence Officer category is one of the key professional occupational groups in the Service. An Intelligence Officer is required to conduct investigations, perform research, analyse information, and must be able to prepare clear and concise reports on national security-related matters. The Service is looking for motivated people who possess strong interpersonal skills and an ability to take the initiative; people who are empathetic and sensitive to the cultural mores of a changing Canadian society, are adaptable and embrace new experiences with confidence. Applicants should have a proven ability to work both independently and as a member of a team. Proficiency in both Official Languages is an asset, as are foreign language capabilities and computer literacy. Applicants should be aware of current events and have an appreciation of how the Service’s mandate meets the government’s security intelligence requirements. To be considered for employment as an Intelligence Officer, you must: * be a Canadian citizen with a university degree, and possess a valid driver’s licence; * agree to relocate anywhere in Canada, depending on the requirements of the Service, throughout your career. Intelligence Officers are on probation for an initial period of five years as part of their Career Progression program. The starting salary is $39,640 progressing to $63,800 during the probationary period, based on successful completion of training, attaining the required experience and on performance. The recruitment process is lengthy, and consists of several interviews and examinations. You should be aware that significant personal information will have to be provided. Access to the sensitive nature of the information collected by the Service necessitates a top secret personal security clearance; all information provided will be carefully considered and verified. As every stage is completed, each application will be assessed in comparison with others at similar stages. Only a limited number of applicants whose overall experience, personal attributes and characteristics indicate potential to excel in both the analytic and investigative aspects of this career stream will progress to the next stage. The hiring process consists of these 9 stages:Information Session Candidates found to have potential will be invited to an information session focussing on the mandate and the role of CSIS, the duties of an Intelligence Officer, hiring criteria and conditions of employment. Suitability Interview A limited number of applicants will be invited for an interview, giving them an opportunity to expand on their motivation and interest in the Service generally and the Intelligence Officer category in particular. The interview will give the Service an opportunity to assess the applicant’s overall suitability in relation to the Intelligence Officer requirements. Psychological Assessment A CSIS psychologist will interpret a battery of well-established psychometric tests and may assess through an interview your aptitudes and suitability. Second Language Assessment If bilingual, you will be required to undergo an assessment of the second official language. If not bilingual, an assessment to learn the second official language will be required and training provided to successful candidates. National Assessment Panel An in-depth interview will explore your motivation, your knowledge of the Canadian Security Intelligence Service, and your general suitability for employment as an Intelligence Officer. Security Clearance The Security clearance process includes an extensive background investigation involving the interview of references, verification of all personal information, criminal record name checks, and where necessary, verifying information outside of Canada. A security interview, polygraph testing, fingerprinting, and the submission of a financial statement are all requirements designed to assess a candidate’s reliability and loyalty. Executive Committee An interview by an executive of the Service will evaluate your overall suitability for a career as an Intelligence Officer. Final Assessment A final review of all applicants is completed based on the results of the overall recruiting process, to determine which candidates most closely match the Intelligence Officer requirements of the Service. Wow - I’m glad they don’t take Canadian Security lightly.

Comments from my old blog:

derek said: Idiots. When you email PayPal to tell them that you can’t access your account, they email you back and ask you to please login to your account and follow instructions. HELLOOOO??? My problem was that I CAN’T ACCESS MY ACCOUNT!

Similar Situations I’ve Been In:

Dick: “Yes, Rogers@Home Customer Support, my name is Dick, how may I help you?”

Derek: “Hi Dick, my name is Derek. Our internet is down and I can’t get online. I’m a computer consultant, so I’ve already checked my DNS settings, done an ipconfig /release and ipconfig /renew, and rebooted the cable modem - ensuring that I waited at least a couple of minutes before turning it back on. So - how can you help me?”

Dick: “Okay, I’m gonna need you to click Start, then Programs, then Internet Explorer. Now go to and login to your account, and then…”

Derek:”Umm, Dick? I can’t login. I’m OFFLINE.”

Dick:”Oh. Okay, I’m going to need you to try to restart your cable modem. If you go over to it and look for a…”

Derek:”Yep, remember how I said I already did that?”

Dick:”Okay, ipconfi—”


Dick:”I guess it’s a problem on our end. I’ll send a technician out to check it out. He’ll be there next Friday sometime between 8am and 5pm”.

Derek”Thanks, Dick.” at 2003-11-19 14:01:15

beige said: Let me get this straight. CSIS won’t come to you, regardless of how often you go on tv and scream MUSIC PIRATE!!! OVER HERE! MUSIC PIRATE!!!! So you’re going to THEM now. at 2003-11-19 15:08:31

derek said: To answer beige’s question - yes. Though I’ve heard that they don’t care so much about what your history is like, as long as you’re honest with them about it. So, I’m going to be honest.

Also, I wanna play paintball! I’ve had a huge craving for the last 2 weeks. But guess what? The idea of playing paintball seems insane to anyone who has lived in a warzone, so there isn’t any in Croatia. I think they all thought I was a trigger-happy pseudo-american gun-nut death-machine psycho for wanting to play. It really is fun to give your friends welts, right Jeff? No real harm intended. at 2003-11-19 16:59:00

derek said: OH NO! Stop Being Vegetarian! “A lot of women are taking soy supplements to help with the symptoms of menopause, because it contains a vegetable form of estrogen. However, new tests show it can reduce normal sexual behavior as much as 70%.” New Scientist Source Article at 2003-11-19 17:03:30

mom said: I love that you have grown into an amazing adult, but sometimes I can’t stand that I can’t tell you what not to do. ie CSIS. Remember when you were little, and I said you couldn’t be a policeman or fireman? That was very naughty of me, Love you at 2003-11-19 21:27:41